When Your Goals Aren’t Really Yours: Listening to Your Inner Voice Instead of the Noise

Armine
6 days ago
2 min read

Every January, the pressure starts creeping in. New goals. New plans. New versions of ourselves we think we should become. Suddenly, we’re looking around—scrolling social media, listening to what others are chasing, comparing timelines—and before we know it, our goals are no longer rooted in our values or desires. They’re shaped by what looks impressive, productive, or socially approved.

And then we wonder why, a few weeks or months in, those goals quietly fall apart.

This is something we explored deeply in our recent episode of Coffee and Career Hour, Why Your New Year Goals Keep Failing — And How To Fix Them. One of the biggest takeaways?

Many goals fail because they were never truly ours to begin with.

The Difference Between Inner Voice Goals vs. “Highlight Reel” Goals

There’s a subtle—but powerful—difference between goals that come from your inner voice and goals that come from external influence.

Inner voice goals tend to feel:

Quiet but persistent
Aligned with your values and energy
Meaningful, even if they don’t look flashy
Grounded in how you actually want to live and feel

Externally driven goals, on the other hand, often sound like:

“Everyone else is doing this, so I should too”
“This looks impressive on paper”
“If I don’t aim for this, I’m falling behind”
“This will finally prove I’m successful”

These goals might look great on LinkedIn or Instagram—but internally, they feel heavy, confusing, or disconnected. And eventually, motivation fades because your nervous system knows the truth: you’re chasing someone else’s version of success.

Why Goals Rooted in Comparison Don’t Stick

When your goals are built on comparison, they require constant force.

You have to push yourself.Convince yourself.Guilt yourself into continuing.

That’s exhausting.

In the podcast episode, we talked about how goal-setting fails when it’s disconnected from identity, lifestyle, and emotional safety. If a goal doesn’t align with who you are—or who you’re becoming—your mind will find a way to abandon it.

This isn’t a discipline issue. It’s an alignment issue.

Reconnecting With Your Inner Voice Before Setting Goals

Before setting new goals, pause and ask yourself a different set of questions:

Why does this goal matter to me—really?
If no one could see or validate this goal, would I still want it?
Does this goal support the life I want to live, or just the image I want to project?
Am I chasing growth—or approval?

These questions create space for honesty. And honesty is where sustainable goal-setting begins.

Fixing Goals That Keep Falling Apart

If your goals keep failing year after year, don’t ask, “What’s wrong with me?”Ask instead, “Whose expectations am I carrying?”

As we discussed in the Coffee and Career Hour episode, the fix isn’t better willpower—it’s deeper self-trust. Goals thrive when they’re built on clarity, self-awareness, and emotional honesty.

And that starts by turning down the noise—and turning toward yourself.